Do you know why we celebrate Valentine’s Day? Do you think it’s all about love? IT’S NOT! It’s about blood, sacrifice, pagan festivals, goats, Roman emperors, whipping, saints, sex, and more blood! Watch this video to learn all about the weird and violent history of this day that today is celebrated by men spending a lot of money and everybody ending up sad, broke, and disappointed. Happy Valentine’s Day!
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Rawr. Happy Valentine’s Day. Yeah, okay. This will make sense to you. My name’s Ronnie, I’m a lion, and I’m here to teach you about Valentine’s Day, the day of love. The day where, ladies, you get really upset because you think your boyfriend or your husband doesn’t like you because he didn’t buy you something really expensive like a ring, or he didn’t buy you what you wanted, but you never told him what you wanted, and then you don’t talk to him and then you get into a fight. Happy Valentine’s Day. That doesn’t make sense, just like me wearing a lion costume.
I’m going to explain to you guys the history of Valentine’s Day. I will never understand why people get so upset on Valentine’s Day, because guess what? If a guy likes you it’s not about buying you gifts, it’s about being with you and spending time with you. Ladies, give your guys a break. Yeah? Enjoy their company, have a nice dinner, go out and kill people or something. Celebrate Valentine’s Day. Go and get whipped with blood or something in animal skins, okay? Because that’s how we really celebrate Valentine’s Day. So, guys, if you’ve got a girlfriend that gets angry because you don’t buy her the right thing, good luck with that. Maybe you could be executed and that would be better. Maybe Valentine’s Day is about being executed. Maybe that makes it easier and better. Let’s go into the history of Valentine’s Day.
So, Valentine’s Day, wow. When I researched this, what a lot of crazy stories. Meow. Don’t understand. We’re going to start with this, though. I can tell you when it is. Every day… Every year it’s the same day, it’s February the 14th. Okay? So if you’re watching this and you haven’t gotten your girlfriend a gift, get out, go get one. Ladies, do you buy your boyfriend a gift on Valentine’s Day? Double standard, okay? So you get upset because the guy didn’t buy you a good gift, but what’d you buy him? Do men get upset and start to cry, and: “Oh, I didn’t get a good gift.” Yeah, guys probably do. Oh, guys.
So, anyways, Valentine’s Day, go. Valentine’s Day as we know it now, I guess, is to honour a Catholic saint. But the thing was there wasn’t just one, there were many Catholic saints and their names were Valentine. Maybe your name’s Valentine, Valentina. So, the day as we know is to honour Catholic saints named Valentine. So there was a really, really special guy and his name was Saint Valentine-see, I told you-and he was executed. Mm-hmm, yeah, he was killed in the year 270. By my lion brain that’s a long time ago. The reason why he was killed is he would perform marriages or he would marry couples. Hmm. So, Valentine’s Day this guy would marry people and then they killed him. Well, this is so romantic. The reason why he was executed is because the Emperor or the guy in charge named Claudius II had apparently strict anti-marriage laws. Okay, now, I didn’t live back then. I don’t know if any of this is true, but this is what I found. So, apparently he, Claudius II wanted his soldiers to not be married so they could concentrate on killing people, as we do. So he reckons that if they got married they wouldn’t want to die for him and save their country, so he didn’t like the idea of love and people getting married, so in the year 270, apparently on February 14th-they have documents of this-they executed this Saint Valentine. So Valentine’s Day is about execution. Done. Okay.
Now, when I was researching: Why February the 14th? So, if we go back before this, the ancient Romans, they celebrated what’s called the Feast of Lupercalia. Okay? This was on the 15th of February. We’ve missed a day, there. This was a fertility festival. A fertility festival means that in the springtime most things-humans, plants, animals-are ready to reproduce and have children. So, a fertility festival, basically they want people to have sex and have babies.